7 Parenting Tips for Children to Build Resilience With Video Games

Wajih Atallah contributed to this story.

Video games have come a long way in the past 30 years. In the early 90s, games were primarily played on consoles such as the Super Nintendo and Sega Genesis, and graphics were much simpler compared to today’s games. The gameplay was also more linear and less open world, with players typically having to complete levels in a specific order.

On the other hand, today’s games are found on every screen — consoles, computers, and mobile devices. Graphics are increasingly realistic, and players can immerse themselves into vast virtual worlds where their choices most likely affect the outcome of the game.

One of the biggest changes in video games today is the concept of instant gratification. In the past, players had to put in a lot of time and effort to progress in a game. They had to learn the mechanics, figure out the puzzles, and master the controls. This made them much more resilient — they learned early on that time, dedication, and lots of failures eventually lead to success, making the experience that much more rewarding.

Nowadays, games often provide players with instant rewards and shortcuts, making it easier to progress without putting in as much effort. I see this through my son, who is eager to try the old games, but is quick to give up on them because of the lack of constant save points and the significant reduction in rewards. Hearing him say “I wasted my day today in the game and did nothing” is common. And yet, he did not waste his time, but discovered 17 different things that do not work. That is success through failure.

The shift towards instant gratification in video games can have a negative impact on children that can carry over with them as they become adults. It can teach them to expect rewards for everything they do, without having to put in the hard work and perseverance. They may expect recognition in the workplace regularly, regardless of the quality of their performance. This in turn will devalue the concept of recognition and rewards. It can also make them less resilient, as they may give up more easily when faced with challenges. With no helping hand to constantly guide them, how will they figure out solutions on their own?

It’s important for parents to be mindful of this and to encourage their young ones to take a break from screens, and to engage in other activities that teach resilience and hard work. Here are seven strategies that parents can use to help their children develop resilience in the face of today’s modern video games.

1. Set limits and boundaries

It is important for parents to set clear limits on the amount of time children can spend playing video games. This can help them learn to delay gratification and develop self-control.

2. Encourage other activities

Encourage children to engage in other activities that provide a sense of accomplishment and reward, such as reading, playing sports, or practicing a musical instrument. This is especially more effective in activities that require a long time to develop expertise.

3. Model delayed gratification

Parents can model the behavior they want to see in their children by delaying their own gratification in front of them. For example, wait to eat a snack until after dinner or postpone watching a movie until the weekend. Nothing teaches better than walking the talk.

4. Talk about the benefits

Help children understand the benefits of delaying gratification, such as achieving long-term goals, developing self-discipline, and building resilience.

5. Use video games as a teaching tool

Video games can be used as a tool to teach children about the importance of persistence, problem-solving, and delayed gratification. Parents can talk to their children about the challenges they face in the games and how they can overcome them through perseverance and practice. Using lived examples is particularly effective.

6. Encourage social play

Encouraging children to play video games with friends or siblings can help them develop social skills and learn to work together towards a common goal. This can also help children learn to compromise and communicate effectively with others.

7. Discuss the negative effect

It is important for parents to have open and honest discussions with their children about the negative effects excessive gaming can have on their health, social life, and academic performance. This can help children understand the importance of moderation and balance in all aspects of their lives.

Overall, promoting resilience in children requires consistent effort and reinforcement. By following these strategies, parents can help their children cultivate essential leadership, enabling them to confidently navigate the challenges of life, emerge as more resilient individuals and empowering them for success.