Want To Be A Better Communicator? Ask More Questions

Many approach communications as a one-way street, endlessly fretting over body postures, vocal tones and choice of words.

In reality, the effectiveness of communications depends crucially on the receiver and their interest, ability and availability to engage with what is being delivered.

In all of my years in teaching and executive coaching on leadership, one technique stands out as a as a true game-changer: asking questions.

Before we delve deeper into how tuning Question/Statement ratio and using multithreading in your own responses will make you a more compelling communicator, I want to share the story about how I personally learnt to appreciate the power of asking questions.

The Salesman Who Didn’t Stop Himself to Sell

Early on in my career I dabbled in the arcane arts of salesmanship.

Equipped with nothing more than a youthful passion for making money to stave off otherwise impending starvation, a company-leased Volkswagen, and a bag of demo units I travelled far and wide in search of customers in need of office supplies and more.

Although my tenure at the firm was as unremarkable as my commission-based salary, one particular client meeting where my mentor tagged along has remained with me to this date.

After an hour long meeting, and one of the better performances I have ever put on as a salesman, we ended up signing a sizeable subscription for stationary and ink.

As we were walking through the parking lot, my clearly irate mentor pat me on the back and said ‘That meeting could have been over in the first five minutes had you stopped to ask them if they were ready to buy instead of continuing to sell.”

Needless to say, me and my loquacious personality did not last long in sales.

Never Ask ‘Any Questions?‘ Again

Many communicators forget a vital truth: even if they’re in the spotlight, the real stage is within the listener’s mind.

Understanding the listener’s perspective is of paramount importance to anyone who cares about the impact of their messaging, which is why it is such a shame that speakers rarely go beyond throwing a cursory ‘any questions?‘ at the end of their delivery.

What exemplary speakers do instinctively is sprinkle in engagement checks throughout the delivery, significantly increasing engagement and impact.

A simple ‘what did we all think of that‘ will get you more than started.

When I am teaching , some of my all time favorite examples include ‘did you notice what we just accomplished‘ after hitting an important milestone in class, ‘can you guess what my previous course thought of this‘ after a provocative thought and ‘who was utterly confused and needs a redo‘ when going through a particularly difficult patch of materials.

The impact of asking even the simplest of questions is immediate as doing so breaks the monotony and activates each recipient to engage with what was just being said.

What’s best, the responses you receive are invaluable in guiding your approach to the remainder of your delivery, allowing you to correct course as necessary.

Know Your Question/Statement Ratio

Every act of communications has its unique rhythm. Personally, I do my best to pay close attention to whether my ratio of questions to statements is at appropriate levels given my audience and what I am trying to accomplish.

While in class, one can do with fewer questions than statements. When it comes to making one-on-one connections over first dates, interviews or sales pitches, its safer to flip things around and ask more questions than you are answering.

Bear in mind that the questions need to be sincere and authentic, lest you risk being known for your interrogation techniques instead of your active presence.

Help Others Ask Better Questions To Carry The Conversation

A conversation thrives when both participants are active. If your listener is adept at posing questions, sometimes it’s best to step back and enrich the dialogue with your answers.

In fact, all of us could most likely benefit from relying more on an answering technique called multithreading which helps others carry the conversation forward based on our responses.

The technique itself is as easy as adding more threads to your answers on which your listeners can pull to move the discussion forward.

To illustrate, if someone inquires about your profession, don’t merely reply with “banking”.

Instead, offer a layered response like, “I’ve been in banking since my college days in Boston. It’s been fulfilling, but sometimes I wonder if I could’ve had a thrilling career in pickle ball, a passion I exchanged for a paycheck.”

In a world inundated with noise, mastering the art of asking questions will help set you apart by creating deeper, more meaningful connections. So, the next time you are in conversation remember: sometimes its not about speaking with more impact, but asking better.