Stop Worrying About Winning In Negotiations And Build On Your Authentic Self

Leadership is a complex and multifaceted field that requires a combination of skills, attributes, and personal qualities to achieve success. One of the most critical aspects of leadership is the ability to negotiate effectively, a skill that can make or break any CEO or their organization they represent.

Thanks to the Wolf of Wall Street and traditional MBA courses on negotiation techniques, many believe that the key to success in negotiations is being a tough, hard-nosed negotiator who can dominate the conversation and chart a path to victory in any context.

In real life this approach can often backfire, leading to strained relationships, mistrust and wasted potential. In fact, seeing the world as a fixed pie that is asking for redistribution is a sure-fire way to both limit your leadership potential and hurt your prospects of generating meaningful long-term partnerships that are the precursor to lasting success.

This is why a negotiation style that emphasizes being your authentic self might be the most powerful tool in your negotiating arsenal.

I know, I know, many of you have already had your fill of the ‘just be yourself’ mantra which can be particularly infuriating when it comes from the mouths of already successful business people who can bank on the authority of past successes, the power of their networks or simply their superhuman levels of charisma and attractiveness.

At the same time, some of you might also be rightfully thinking that if being myself is meant to make me successful I wouldn’t need to sit here reading this article to begin with. Fair point, but allow me to add two critical bits of nuance.

As Dale Carnegie, William Ury, Stuart Diamond or anyone else personally involved in the art of persuasion would tell you, negotiations are all about the human connection. And when it comes to creating deep connections with your fellow human beings, nothing beats being true to your own personal negotiation style and embracing your authentic self.

The second important fact to remember is that your authentic self is not an unchanging static entity, regardless of what your Myers-Brigg test results would want you to believe.

Leveraging your authentic self in negotiations is not synonymous with ‘come as you are’. Instead, it is an exhortation to do everything in your power to be the best possible version of yourself and to consistently bring that A-game to your negotiations.

Seeing how much can be at stake at any given negotiation, it’s tempting to fall back on the widely taught tips, tricks and tools that take the guesswork out and simplify things into more manageable processes.

The problem is that cookie cutter approaches and 12-step templates systematically fail to recognize that there are 8 billion potential negotiation partners for you to choose from, and each of them come with 8 billion different sets of baggage and their own ways of engaging in the process.

Apart from always doing your homework and preparing well for negotiations, there is only one tool that will work regardless of which of these 8 billion you are pitted against, and that thing is exuding confidence, sincerity and trustworthiness that can only come when you are being true to the best version of yourself.

Playing roles can win a negotiation, but it will always come at the cost of building trust, empathy, and understanding, all of which foster stronger, more productive relationships in the long run.

In the end, negotiation is not a game that one can simply win. It’s an art, a science, and a skill that can be learned and improved upon over time. If you’re looking for a place to start building these skills, look no further than yourself and everything you bring to the table as the best version of yourself.