Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends & Influence People has sold tens of millions of copies since its first publication in 1936, but it seems modern executives have either learnt very little or forgotten whatever they’ve read about the importance of treating others with kindness, respect, and genuine interest.
When asked about the qualities that make for exceptional leadership presence, most leaders focus on communication skills and charisma, both undeniably crucial for effective leadership.
However, these traits alone are only half of the equation.
In today’s digital landscape, with platforms like Slack, Twitter, and LinkedIn, communication often becomes a one-way street where leaders broadcast their messages, and the masses consume them.
The problem with the one-way-street model is that it is impossible to build genuine relationships when your input channel is turned off.
This is exactly why active listening is on the syllabus for every leadership presence course worth its salt and it is the reason why renowned listeners such as Nelson Mandela and Bill Clinton had the careers that they did.
Carnegie famously remarked that “knowledge isn’t power until it is applied,” and understanding that listening is a leadership superpower is just the beginning. The secret to becoming a phenomenal listener is in flexing your listening muscles until you routinely find yourself on the deepest levels of listening.
Here’s a brief summary of what you can expect as you start your descent.
I. Level One: Listening to Check a Box
At the most basic level of listening, leaders often fall into the trap of listening simply in order to check a box. In this stage, the focus is primarily on completing a task or fulfilling a requirement rather than truly comprehending the underlying meaning or intention behind the communication. Most discussions you have ever had with your boss, or god forbid HR, were had at this level.
II. Level Two: Listening to Respond
The second level is more active one and it involves paying more attention and to the speaker’s words and intentions. At this stage, the focus is on comprehending what was communicated in order to formulate a response to what was said. While this level demonstrates a higher level of engagement and counts for active listening, listening to respond significantly limits our ability to fully understand the speaker. For proof, think back to how genuinely understood you felt the last time someone responded with a version of “that happened to me too” when relaying a personal story.
III. Level Three: Listening to Understand
At the deepest level of listening we find one of the most powerful tools a leader can have in their arsenal: listening to understand. At this level, listeners actively overcome the urge to formulate responses or reactions and instead fully immerse themselves in the speaker’s message. Listening to understand involves active engagement, empathy, and an open mind which is purely focused on understanding the inner workings of the speaker.
Leaders who master this level of listening exude genuine interest in comprehending the speaker’s perspective, emotions, and underlying motivations, and by doing so, they foster an environment of trust, collaboration, and innovation that bosses stuck on levels I and II cannot reach.
In case you are like the rest of us mortals and find yourself in need of help in getting to level III, the key performance indicator to keep an eye on is your question-to-statement ratio. If you find yourself asking fewer questions than you are answering, its unlikely you are listening to understand. Getting back on track rarely requires more than a “what” or a “why”, and by no means do you need to become a licensed therapist to master active listening.
Instead, all you need to do is be sincere in your commitment to explore what the topic means to the speaker. From there, unlocking the true potential of your leadership presence is as simple as keeping your ears open and your mind engaged.
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