Developing 21st-century leaders, teams & cultures | Exec Coach | Board Advisor | Keynote Speaker | CEO @ Christen Coaching & Consulting LLC.
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High performers often learn that mental toughness is the best way to stay motivated and achieve goals. They internalize messages like “Don’t quit” and “Don’t take no for an answer.” This often leads to the belief that emotions are a sign of weakness.
But as a coach to some of the world’s most elite performers, I’m convinced that emotions are, in fact, the best-kept secret to ultra-performance in business. Working with emotions, rather than ignoring them, is a way to harness unprecedented power.
Here are five steps to move past mental toughness and learn to positively utilize your emotions to drive ultra-success.
1. Accept That You Have Emotions
The first step is recognizing that you’re human. No matter how rational you think you are, emotions—often multiple at once—are going to affect you. It’s essential to accept that emotions are a natural and necessary part of the human experience, and there is no need to feel ashamed or embarrassed about experiencing them. So don’t waste your time or energy fighting them, ignoring them or wishing them away. Instead, prioritize time to reflect during your day. Notice how you’re feeling, especially if there are uncomfortable emotions you’ve been avoiding.
2. Label Your Emotions
Once you’ve acknowledged your emotions, begin articulating them. Give a name to your feelings, and be specific. Go beyond generic statements to describe your emotions. For example, instead of simply saying you feel “angry,” you might say, “I’m feeling hurt and resentful.” This articulation can help put distance between yourself and your emotions, which actually makes it far easier to manage and not feel overwhelmed by them.
3. Explore The Root Cause Of Your Emotions
Once you’ve labeled your emotions, spend time with each one to explore its deeper root cause. For example, if a colleague gets a promotion you think you deserved, look beyond that initial reaction. Are you feeling hurt because, deep down, you’re always wondering if you’re good enough? Maybe you’re nervous that being passed over for the promotion is proof that everyone else also believes that. By exploring the root cause of your emotions, you can gain a greater understanding of how they’re impacting your behavior. Then you can begin determining what you need to address or resolve in order to free yourself from them.
4. Listen To The Message
There’s always wisdom to be learned when you explore your emotions with curiosity. So listen to the need that your feelings are signaling to you. The rejected feeling from not getting promoted could be telling you that you have a need to be appreciated and acknowledged for all of your hard work. You may also realize you feel stifled, like there isn’t much more for you to learn in your current role. This is a sign that you need new challenges and learning opportunities. When you know what’s truly bothering you, you can use that deeper wisdom to make positive changes in your life.
5. Take Action To Get Your Needs Met
As you understand your deeper needs—in this example, appreciation, acknowledgment, new challenges and learning opportunities—you can now be intentional about meeting your needs. You might schedule a time with your supervisor to let them know you feel underappreciated. Although it might feel uncomfortable, it’s in your interest and your manager’s to understand how to best motivate you. By sharing “Here’s how to get the best performance from me,” you can influence your supervisor to share more acknowledgment. This is what it means to harness the true power and wisdom of your emotions instead of just powering through them.
Leaders often tell me that working with their emotions helps them feel powerful, in control and optimistic as life genuinely gets better. Emotions truly are the secret to ultra-elite performance in business because they help you get your deepest needs met, leaving you motivated, fulfilled and generally just much more satisfied with life. Following these five steps will allow you to harness the power of your emotions to gain better personal insight, leading to more precise actions that propel you forward. This is where ultra-success truly begins.
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