Stop asking to pick people’s brains and instead do this.
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“Can I pick your brain?” These five words have become overused business jargon that are a turnoff for many professionals. As a busy CEO myself, these requests are almost an immediate “no” for me. Let me explain why and give you some practical tips to ask people for advice.
The phrase is a vague request and is often a cop out. Instead of doing some basic research or conducting a Google
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Asking to pick someone’s brain is too open ended. For example, people often ask me, “Can we hop on a call so I can pick your brain about my resume?”
Questions like this leave me fearful about the time commitment the conversation or exchange will take. Also, these questions don’t create a great first impression and can make you come across as lazy. When you ask someone about a big vague topic, it makes us wonder if you did any research beforehand or if you’re just looking for someone to spoon feed you knowledge.
Instead of making vague requests for someone to give you their time with no agenda or specifics, do this instead:
1. State why you’re asking this person
Sometimes, connecting on a human level can go a long way, this is especially true if you are emailing someone you don’t already have a relationships with. Instead of starting your message with “Hope you’re well” or other vague impersonal pleasantries, seek to make a personal connection.
For example, if you read an article by this person, were referred to them by someone, or interacted with them on social media, mention it! This helps create a connection point, an anchor, which can help to get people’s attention and increase the chances they reply!
Continuing with our resume example from above, let’s imagine the person asking for advice didn’t understand what I meant in an article I wrote about how to write an effective resume. At the beginning of the message, the person could write, “Hey Sarah, I read your article in Forbes about how to write an effective resume.” This alone would catch my attention because it tells me they’ve done some homework!
2. Have a specific request
Before you ask anyone for advice or a brain picking session, take it upon yourself to do some research and then ask a specific question. Instead of saying, “Can I pick your brain about my resume?” you could say, “In your article, you mentioned including numbers and metrics in our Work Experience bullet points. How can I do this if I don’t have any metrics?”
The specificity of this question makes it much easier for the person, in this case me, to answer the question. It no longer feels like it could result in a 60 minute phone call. Instead, I could answer this over email in 5 minutes, which brings us to the third tip.
3. Give the person a chance to answer asynchronously
Why do so many people default to meetings on Zoom, phone calls, and coffee chats? Not every question needs to be answered synchronously!
If you ask someone for advice, always give them the option to answer your question asynchronously. This will immediately remove any concern regarding time commitment and thus, could increase the chances that the person actually replies to you! Many times, the answer could be provided asynchronously in 5 min rather than a 30 min chat. Don’t default to requesting a meeting!
At the end of your request you could simply write, “Feel free to answer via email or if you’d like, or a call is great too.”
Don’t treat people like a Google search box. People will be more likely to help you and give you their time if you seek to make a bit of effort and human connection when you ask for their help or advice.
And remember, if someone doesn’t reply, it’s not because they are a jerk, or ghosting you, or gatekeeping, or whatever other assumption you make. We’re all busy, overwhelmed, and we can’t do it all. Give them a break and don’t make a negative assumption.
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