Nearly one in four Americans over 18 say they often or always feel lonely.
Wow.
That’s why Surgeon General Vivek Murthy says the United States is in the throes of a loneliness “epidemic”. If a leader is grappling with loneliness, it’ll effect not only themselves but of course their team and potentially the entire organization. If a team member is, you’ll see their work quality, creativity, motivation and more, plummet.
Your Brain On Loneliness
Fast Facts:
- Feelings of loneliness are a biological signal designed to remind us that we need other people
- When we don’t/can’t respond to these loneliness bio signals our brain actually changes, reshaping itself to make us even more lonely
- Sustained loneliness can cause hypervigilance to potential threats (amygdala on high alert), paranoia, decline in memory (hippocampus and more) and cognitive function (prefrontal cortex and more), pessimism and hostility (more hyperactive amygdala), decreased ability to trust others (many parts of the brain are involved here!)
This infographic lays out what happens in the brain on loneliness.
But the solution isn’t simply to socialize more.
It’s to learn to connect to what brings positive emotions and meaning to your life. And to continue to do so. Further, sharing positive emotional experiences with others can mitigate the link between negative interpretations of external stimuli (such as deciding someone’s facial expression conveys they are disappointed with you) and loneliness.
12 Ways To Cure Loneliness
According to Dr. Edward Hallowell, an expert on anxiety and stress, there are twelve ways in which people need to connect in order to have full, rich, healthy, long lives. I had no idea how disconnected I actually was until I read his outstanding book, Connect: 12 Vital Ties That Open Your Heart, Lengthen Your Life, and Deepen Your Soul. I learned more about connecting in that book than I have from any shrink or at any seminar.
Here’s his list of where we should all be connecting. Where would you like to boost your feeling of connection? Ask yourself these questions:
1. Birth Family:
Do I have strong bonds and clear communication with my parents, siblings, relatives?
Do I connect with them regularly?
What are some ways I might increase connection?
2. Immediate Family:
Do I treat them with love and respect?
Are we emotionally close?
What are some ways I might increase connection?
3. Friends and Community:
Do I see friends and neighbors on a regular basis?
Do I share my life with them frequently?
Do I make time to enjoy their company?
Am I involved in community groups and projects?
Do I identify with and support the community I live in?
What are some ways I might increase connection?
4. Work:
Do I have emotional equity and a sense of mission at work?
Do I share a connection with my co-workers and company?
What are some ways I might increase connection?
5. Beauty:
Do I enjoy beauty regularly, do I appreciate it and pay attention to it and savor it?
Do I take time to enjoy a favorite art form?
What are some ways I might increase connection?
6. History:
Do I feel part of the history of humankind?
Do I learn about it, feel the power of it, and cherish the history of my country, town, culture?
What are some ways I might increase connection?
7. Nature:
Do I connect with nature on a weekly basis?
Do I spend time outdoors or indoors caring for plants or appreciating nature?
Do I have special places that are healing to me?
What are some ways I might increase connection?
8. Pets/Animals:
Do I enjoy playing with and having a relationship with a pet?
Do I value animals and enjoy seeing them, listening to them, interacting with them?
What are some ways I might increase connection?
9. Ideas and Information:
Do I learn new things often?
Am I interested in new ideas and perspectives?
Am I getting the most out of my brain power?
What are some ways I might increase connection?
10. Organizations and Institutions:
Am I a member of any organizations?
Do I contribute to their growth and welfare?
What are some ways I might increase connection?
11. Greater Truth/Spirituality:
Do I have a spiritual practice?
Do I make time to read spiritual, uplifting books or listen to podcasts?
Do I continue to seek meaning and truth in whatever way resonates with me?
What are some ways I might increase connection?
12. Myself:
Do I meditate, have quiet time alone, know what matters most to me and live according to it?
Am I comfortable being who I am?
What are some ways I might increase connection?
When you feel lonely, how do you return to an experience of connection? I’d love to know.
If you’re curious and want to read more, here are my research sources:
How Does Loneliness Affect the Brain?
The Lonely Brain: Unraveling the Neuroscience and Psychology of Isolation
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